Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
