when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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