if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
