...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
