You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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