Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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