That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
