You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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