I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Boobs are out for the taking
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize