Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize