it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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