my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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