I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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