I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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