The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
