thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
