You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
