smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
