I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
