every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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