the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.