Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.