walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You smell like stripper and shame
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.