That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
