BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Alive.
So much puke
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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