dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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