it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
