Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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