Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
