i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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