the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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