I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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