we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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