Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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