I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize