Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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