Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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