You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
