apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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