Yo dont text me then not text me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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