My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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