dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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