I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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