you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
