and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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