I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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