did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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