At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
