So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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