i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
