I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
