So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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