we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
