did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
