the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
