Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
