I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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