I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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