He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
