he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
