im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
operation have a gay friend backfired
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize