So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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